I am obsessed with marriage. It's pitiful. I've wanted to be married my entire life. Always always always wanted a ring on my finger, that happily ever after, that finality. God, how many times it's been flaunted around in my face... Offered up. It was never real though. Now it gets more real to me everyday in my current view and it's now that I feel like I'm trapped. Like I'm not going to be able to make it... I can't actually do it. Still obsessive, but now fucking frightened. It's weird, abnormal, wrong... And even so, I still might want it? I still might need it. But still... Maybe not? Why can't someone just make it easy. Come riding up on a damn white horse and such and provide me with a life plan, a rock bigger than my eye, and then carry me away into the beauty of sunset? That is what should happen... rather than 'oh we're living together, we're too poor to get married now, let's just wait, why don't you just calm down about it all, everyone else is stupid for doing it now...' yada yada yada. It's annoys me to no end how my dream is pushed around like the last bit of unwanted food on the plate. So what if they were too young. You're only young once. go ahead and fucking live it, right? Maybe I should just run off to New York or someplace and get crazy with some random stud and then get married to him. Maybe that's right for me. I might try it.